The Uncomfortable Issue of the Large Number of Male Dickheads…

The Angry Irish Man Throwing Baby

Okay so as I speak I am in an internet cafe in Ireland. Sitting next to me are three dudes with shaved heads and accents which would cause most Irish people to classify them as “knackers” (deadbeats). Right now they are currently sharing two computers between the three of them, even though it’s only 1 euro per hour. All three have quite un-subtly got their hands wrapped around their dicks and all are looking at extremely heinous pornography videos…pretty much in the middle of an extremely crowded area.

All of this is kind of making me wonder why I would even start a male blog. But to be honest…I think this is actually giving me inspiration to continue. When I see guys like this I think – dear god what is wrong with males…Most violent crimes are committed by men, males are falling behind in the school system, and while women may have the monopoly on the cold hearted sneaky bitch/the passive aggressive slut who is not to be trusted…males certainly have the monopoly on the completely inappropriate and idiotic douchebag archetype.

I’ve never been a fan of the circle jerk…to each his own, but why in God’s name would you come to an internet cafe to circle jerk through your pants…isn’t that going to create an even worse sense of sexual frustration? why couldn’t they try to go off and do this somewhere in the corner? where a million people can’t see them? It boggles the mind.

The youth of today are in need of guidance. There are no positive masculine role models any more.

But, then again…this hopelessly veiled circle jerk going on two feet from this computer is actually kind of a beautiful metaphor for the male condition. That really is the man’s dilemma. We are raging beasts who are imprisoned in a world full of rationality, rules, and regularly scheduled public transportation. All we want to do is pull out our dicks and start waving them around wildly…but alas we can’t. Good thing there’s an App for that though (see the video below). We need old timey role models like Steve McQueen, John Wayne…manly men who are able to temper their raging ids…but not so much that they become like some overly sensitive eunuchs who apologize to society for getting a boner. These young disgusting beasts sitting next to me are just in need of some pervy old 70’s pimp to sit them down, and start rambling on about the actual rules of the game, which I’m pretty sure directly addresses the socially acceptable ways to grasp your dick in public…article 7 subsection 34…

These boys need help, and I wish that we lived in an old-fashioned society in which it was socially acceptable for me to stand up, pick them up by the scruff their necks, slap them around a couple of times, and say “god dammit get a job and a laptop and do this in the privacy of your own homes” But then again my hipster apathy is too strong…Deep down in my vagina I know that I wouldn’t even know how to begin acknowledging the weirdness of what is going on right now… Also I can’t really blame them…part of me totally relates to how awful it is to be a teenage boy and not even know how to properly go about seducing a lady…It took me years to even develop something even remotely similar to the concept of “Game”. I blame school. I blame TVO. I blame being taught by my parents that women like “nice guys” and being a nice guy and realizing that they actually like guys who play sports and are loud and obnoxious…but they don’t even really like them either.

I understand that these boys have rejected the dominant discourse because it doesn’t really apply to them. It sucks to be a teenage boy. The system doesn’t care about how raging your hormones indeed are, and everyone treats you like a child or a pervert. You can’t really talk about your sexual urges with anyone except your weird friends, and no one is going to help you out with any of that. Meanwhile all of the girls in your grade are interested in older boys…It’s like 10 years of the worst sexual frustration you could ever imagine.

I wish there were some kind of mandatory indoctrination in school for boys…how to be Casanova…how to deal with these elusive and mercurial beings we call women…. …How to find the fine line between being a total emasculated eunuch and a hypermasculine gorilla ……where you read Bukowski and submission grapple and contemplate the absurdity of existence and the terrifying and wrathful cosmic enigma that is the divine feminine…But until that happens…fuck it maybe I’ll go to the corner and open up some porn in this crowded internet cafe…

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3 thoughts on “The Uncomfortable Issue of the Large Number of Male Dickheads…

  1. Anonymous says:

    I know Jim quite well and what he left out was that he joined the boys in a circle jerk to a Madeline McCann video before enjoying an afternoon of knacker drinking ( bag o cans in a field ) and general high jinxes.

    Good work, April O’Neil would be proud.

  2. Jeff says:

    Haha I can confirm this!

  3. James says:

    Yeah that probably happened.

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